naturally...

there's this song by gilbert o sullivan i think...i heard it first ally mcbeal...at that time it struck too close to home, cause i was in the process of getting over the old guy...and then when the second fratman and the psycho-biatch ruined the end of my 20th year-really i let them ruin it so peace na-it kept me in tears......then i came across it again...and reading the words i realize that it mirrors what i'm feeling right now.

well parts of it...parts of it.


in a little while from now
if i'm not feeling any less sour,
i promised myself, to treat myself,
and visit a nearby tower ..........
and climbing to the top,will throw myself off,
in an effort to, make clear to whoever,
what it's like when you're shattered .......
left standing in the lurch,
at a church where people saying .....
my God, that's tough, she stood him up,
no point in us remaining .......
may as well go home,
as I did on my own,
alone again, naturally.

to think that only yesterday,
i was cheerful, bright and gay.
looking forward to- who wouldn't do-
the role i was about to play.
but, as if to knock me down,
reality came around,
and without so much as a mere touch,
cut me into little pieces.
leaving me to doubt,
talk about
God in His mercy,
who, if He really does exist,
why did He desert me?
and in my hour of need,i truly am,
indeed,
alone again, naturally.

it seems to me that there are more hearts
broken in the world that can't be mended,
left unattended, what do we do?
what do we do?
alone again, naturally.

looking back over the years,
and whatever else that appears.
i remember i cried when my father died,
never wishing to hide the tears.
and at sixty-five years old,
my mother, God rest her soul,
couldn't understand why the only man
she had ever loved had been taken.
leaving her to start,
with a heart so badly broken,
despite encouragement from me,
no words were ever spoken.
and when she passed away,
i cried and cried all day,
alone again, naturally

alone again,
naturally.

one of the most tragic things in the world is to care more than the other person and not care that that's the case. i'm not mad at him...i find that it's not in me to be....i stand by what i said....i'm disappointed...in him and in me...it's not his fault i care too much. and i wish to god i didn't some times, but most times i don't. because...to be totally honest... i would do it all over again.i would.

i am hurt yes. he said yet again the most perfect words to hurt me...but i allow him to do that to me...because, truly, i care.

and maybe in the days to come i will truly truly move on...and the NICE ATE who has been my therapy of sorts has helped me keep things in perspective...thanks thanks...but right now...

i'm alone.

again.

naturally.