a friend in the hand...
people always wonder why it never seems to bother me (or my sisters) that we have few really close friends.
well... some times, it does. after all, i'd have to be a total sociopath if i didn't ruminate and meditate on why i'm not self-actualized enough to be able to interact with normal people on a regular basis without wanting or needing a drink or two every now and then.
for the most part, though, people are right to wonder.
because for all that we can at times be social creatures, for all that i could dance and drink all day if the occasion should call for it, i am at my most peaceful surrounded by the few i can truly call friends.
it has something to do, maybe, with the fact that i have five sisters, but spent a few years away from them growing up. no family is perfect, and mine still is not. i have learned to love the quiet of being alone, as well as appreciate the freakish wavelength my sisters and i share whenever it's my dad's misfortune to get all five of us in the same place all at once.
perhaps it's that i've always thought my best away from the thoughts of others. i have a big family, and i've found over the years that i can best refrain from becoming a total whack job if every now and then i find a place to not be around them.
i also seem to have friends i never see on a regular basis. like mina who while in makati is still unable to reply to messages until like a month after. or alan whose work makes him busy right when i'm free. or yo who has pms more often than i do. or my youngest sister who lives in the same house i do but who i'm lucky to see even twice in a day.
not to be blame-free is the uncontroverted fact that i am, truly, quite a bitch.
i am impatient, i am opinionated, i am more often than not brutally frank, and i do not shy away from telling annoying people exactly how they annoy me. (which annoys them even more as they tend to like talking about how i annoy them when i'm not in the room)
so i am not suprised that after 25 years on this earth, i can truly count only a few people as real friends.
but however different we are (and we ARE!), however infrequently our paths cross, however much our opinions diverge on the simplest of issues, i hold these friends dear because they give me exactly what i need, and exactly what they demand i give them in return: loyalty and honesty.
and in this day and age, when so many people can sink to magnificent lows, when we find ourselves captives of our ambitions, when the unforgiving nature of living in any form of society demands that we conform in one way or another, when people slowly find themselves bartering away one little bit after the other of the qualities which used to be held so dear,
one friend who can tell you you've been a total dumbass schmuck is worth infinitely more than ten friends who will agree with you.
there is something to be said for refusing to pander to the dictates of getting along that politeness trumps honesty. i believe that if you ARE a true friend, the best act of friendship there is is to not be blind to your friend's faults, but to recognize said faults and make the decision to be someone's friend if not totally absolutely informed, then armed with at least enough facts so as to not be guilty of being blindly loyal to a person who is blind as well.
blind loyalty is not friendship. not knowing the facts about a person before making a judgment based on that person's presentations, not even making an effort to be informed, does your supposed friend a disservice instead of helping him become a better person.
if in my refusing to be blindly loyal in some occasions i lose a friend, or two, or three, then so be it. i am more afraid of walking in a crowd not knowing whose knife will be embedded in my back next than of walking a dark street alone.
a friend in hand.
well... some times, it does. after all, i'd have to be a total sociopath if i didn't ruminate and meditate on why i'm not self-actualized enough to be able to interact with normal people on a regular basis without wanting or needing a drink or two every now and then.
for the most part, though, people are right to wonder.
because for all that we can at times be social creatures, for all that i could dance and drink all day if the occasion should call for it, i am at my most peaceful surrounded by the few i can truly call friends.
it has something to do, maybe, with the fact that i have five sisters, but spent a few years away from them growing up. no family is perfect, and mine still is not. i have learned to love the quiet of being alone, as well as appreciate the freakish wavelength my sisters and i share whenever it's my dad's misfortune to get all five of us in the same place all at once.
perhaps it's that i've always thought my best away from the thoughts of others. i have a big family, and i've found over the years that i can best refrain from becoming a total whack job if every now and then i find a place to not be around them.
i also seem to have friends i never see on a regular basis. like mina who while in makati is still unable to reply to messages until like a month after. or alan whose work makes him busy right when i'm free. or yo who has pms more often than i do. or my youngest sister who lives in the same house i do but who i'm lucky to see even twice in a day.
not to be blame-free is the uncontroverted fact that i am, truly, quite a bitch.
i am impatient, i am opinionated, i am more often than not brutally frank, and i do not shy away from telling annoying people exactly how they annoy me. (which annoys them even more as they tend to like talking about how i annoy them when i'm not in the room)
so i am not suprised that after 25 years on this earth, i can truly count only a few people as real friends.
but however different we are (and we ARE!), however infrequently our paths cross, however much our opinions diverge on the simplest of issues, i hold these friends dear because they give me exactly what i need, and exactly what they demand i give them in return: loyalty and honesty.
and in this day and age, when so many people can sink to magnificent lows, when we find ourselves captives of our ambitions, when the unforgiving nature of living in any form of society demands that we conform in one way or another, when people slowly find themselves bartering away one little bit after the other of the qualities which used to be held so dear,
one friend who can tell you you've been a total dumbass schmuck is worth infinitely more than ten friends who will agree with you.
there is something to be said for refusing to pander to the dictates of getting along that politeness trumps honesty. i believe that if you ARE a true friend, the best act of friendship there is is to not be blind to your friend's faults, but to recognize said faults and make the decision to be someone's friend if not totally absolutely informed, then armed with at least enough facts so as to not be guilty of being blindly loyal to a person who is blind as well.
blind loyalty is not friendship. not knowing the facts about a person before making a judgment based on that person's presentations, not even making an effort to be informed, does your supposed friend a disservice instead of helping him become a better person.
if in my refusing to be blindly loyal in some occasions i lose a friend, or two, or three, then so be it. i am more afraid of walking in a crowd not knowing whose knife will be embedded in my back next than of walking a dark street alone.
a friend in hand.
posted by peach at 12:32 AM
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