welling up

the tears keep on...

but sooner or later you stop crying not because you realize there isn't any hope left but because your spirit will remind you that you did the best you could, you didn't hold anything back, and maybe, in the grand tradition of the most painful realizations in the world,

it just wasn't meant to be....

i keep on thinking about pablo neruda...how he was able to write such beautiful words..about waiting and remembering and loving...maybe he could write those words because not only was he once gloriously in love, but also because he was once in immense pain...

i am bipolar...i'm happy, really happy when i'm happy, then i'm sad when i'm sad...
when i go for someone, i focus on the person...because really, if you're not focused, even if there's no commitment, then you're just playing games.

and i don't like playing games. because i don't like them played on me, and because sooner or later someone stops playing and aims for real, and then, pain follows.

but the way i play it, i set myself up for disappointment, because my soul is rarely one to give up easily on a person. you let go of things. not people.

and maybe i should just not do that. cxause obviously it's not working. cause obviously i'm the one still left caring...while...

oh well.

oh well.