departure from my norm
there's nothing like being called twice in the same day and having all your intellectual inadequacies exposed for all the block to see to put things in perspective.
last weekend i was in a pretty bad mood, a bit irritated with a recent occurence involving two warring personalities, both my friends, and the not so quiet outcome of the encounter. one of my friends, you see, has a tendency to exaggerate like encounters and turn them into ball-busting events for opponents. which of course people have been turning into gossip mill fodder, and placing me in the unconfortable position of knowing my friend is lying and at the same time not being at all willing to expose the lie.
from sexual espcapades to graduating with honors to being the star of th show in previous school, moments for this friend of mine are embellished to the point of incredibility, and most times i catch the lie and see the inconsistency with the next variation of the story. more often than not, the story gets retold, and with new audiences who know shit absorbing the story.
my problem stems from the fact that this person is going out with someone i hold dear to my heart, and i hate the fact that i see my other friend all proud and happy and unaware of the other half's tendency to lie.
in any case, that's the background.
then came today, where my labor prof called unsuspecting me and unsuspecting me had no answer except "uh".
and then came property (my favorite), where the prof oculdn't help but shake his head in disbelief at the fact that during recit i had no idea who salvador laurel was.
those incidents helped me remember the reason why i have been exhausted of late. i've spread myself too thin, with my mind and my heart in different places, forgetting that my father's admonitions are true.
whether or not i get the highest grades, whether or not i'm the star of the show, i'm here to learn. i'm here to make the most of the four years here and absorb as much experience as i can.
it doesn't matter that i've barely exchanged a nod and a word with one of my first friends here (though this doesn;t really fill me with a lot of regret), it doesn't matter that i have friends whose loyalty i question every now and then (a surprisingly new experience for me since i have, prior to this, been lucky enough to have friends i can truly trust.) , it doesn't matter that i'm still reeling from a roller coaster i was reckless enough to get on and of course fell off of and regret half the time, it doesn't matter that my grades will need a major boost in order to justify my many other activities.
it doesn't matter that i have a tendency to make fantastically enormous mistakes which haunt me from the moment i open my eyes to the moment exhaustion forces them to close.
what matters is, thus far, my luck has held. i am here through mostly sheer force of will, but with a little help from a lot of people. and tomorrow is yet another opportunity for me to fuck up, but there will be other days where my unbelievable lucky duck luck will help me find a way to fix it.
i just have to shrug off the minor things faster, and get on with the business of enjoying something i used to enjoy again.
last weekend i was in a pretty bad mood, a bit irritated with a recent occurence involving two warring personalities, both my friends, and the not so quiet outcome of the encounter. one of my friends, you see, has a tendency to exaggerate like encounters and turn them into ball-busting events for opponents. which of course people have been turning into gossip mill fodder, and placing me in the unconfortable position of knowing my friend is lying and at the same time not being at all willing to expose the lie.
from sexual espcapades to graduating with honors to being the star of th show in previous school, moments for this friend of mine are embellished to the point of incredibility, and most times i catch the lie and see the inconsistency with the next variation of the story. more often than not, the story gets retold, and with new audiences who know shit absorbing the story.
my problem stems from the fact that this person is going out with someone i hold dear to my heart, and i hate the fact that i see my other friend all proud and happy and unaware of the other half's tendency to lie.
in any case, that's the background.
then came today, where my labor prof called unsuspecting me and unsuspecting me had no answer except "uh".
and then came property (my favorite), where the prof oculdn't help but shake his head in disbelief at the fact that during recit i had no idea who salvador laurel was.
those incidents helped me remember the reason why i have been exhausted of late. i've spread myself too thin, with my mind and my heart in different places, forgetting that my father's admonitions are true.
whether or not i get the highest grades, whether or not i'm the star of the show, i'm here to learn. i'm here to make the most of the four years here and absorb as much experience as i can.
it doesn't matter that i've barely exchanged a nod and a word with one of my first friends here (though this doesn;t really fill me with a lot of regret), it doesn't matter that i have friends whose loyalty i question every now and then (a surprisingly new experience for me since i have, prior to this, been lucky enough to have friends i can truly trust.) , it doesn't matter that i'm still reeling from a roller coaster i was reckless enough to get on and of course fell off of and regret half the time, it doesn't matter that my grades will need a major boost in order to justify my many other activities.
it doesn't matter that i have a tendency to make fantastically enormous mistakes which haunt me from the moment i open my eyes to the moment exhaustion forces them to close.
what matters is, thus far, my luck has held. i am here through mostly sheer force of will, but with a little help from a lot of people. and tomorrow is yet another opportunity for me to fuck up, but there will be other days where my unbelievable lucky duck luck will help me find a way to fix it.
i just have to shrug off the minor things faster, and get on with the business of enjoying something i used to enjoy again.
posted by peach at 5:08 AM
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