with friends like you
there i was, coming to you for comfort, hoping, if not for a hug, maybe for a word of encouragement or concern for my well-being.
and there you were. assuming instantly that i was to blame for all the dark sky i was gazing upon. questioning not the other's actions, but my right to indignation in my behalf.
and maybe you were (still are) right to assume the worst of me.
after all, have i not been the wrongdoer all these years?
was i not cheated on so blatantly and so humiliatingly by one of your own? not once but twice?
was i not accused by your then girlfriend (turned psycho bitch) that i was out to steal you from her when really, we were nothing but friends? (said accusation by the way not only made to you, but repeated to everyone else in sight. )
but still, i have been to blame.
after all, if a guy cheats and is caught, isn't the person who got cheated on the woman scorned and nothing else?
and if a paranoid schizoid girl-woman says something but says it in a sweet way, she CAN'T POSSIBLY BE LYING.
and if a guy you see and think is nice fucks up, i have to give him a break, yes?
i, on the other hand, being the supreme bitch that i am, having never been a friend to you, having never had your well-being in mind, having never had a kind word to say to you, having not kept your confidence through these years, having not persisted in my association with you even in spite of the painful things i have gone through at the hands of your friends, and the gossip i have unknowingly had to live down due to your ex-psycho's paranoia,
i deserve all these things, and also the privilege of not having you speak a word in my defense.
and not hearing a word, not one word, of friendship to hopefully carry me through a difficult moment.
i have never wanted yes-men (or women) for friends. they have always seemed to me a lie away from selling my soul to better theirs.
but was it too much to ask for a cushion for me to land on as you beat me down?
and there you were. assuming instantly that i was to blame for all the dark sky i was gazing upon. questioning not the other's actions, but my right to indignation in my behalf.
and maybe you were (still are) right to assume the worst of me.
after all, have i not been the wrongdoer all these years?
was i not cheated on so blatantly and so humiliatingly by one of your own? not once but twice?
was i not accused by your then girlfriend (turned psycho bitch) that i was out to steal you from her when really, we were nothing but friends? (said accusation by the way not only made to you, but repeated to everyone else in sight. )
but still, i have been to blame.
after all, if a guy cheats and is caught, isn't the person who got cheated on the woman scorned and nothing else?
and if a paranoid schizoid girl-woman says something but says it in a sweet way, she CAN'T POSSIBLY BE LYING.
and if a guy you see and think is nice fucks up, i have to give him a break, yes?
i, on the other hand, being the supreme bitch that i am, having never been a friend to you, having never had your well-being in mind, having never had a kind word to say to you, having not kept your confidence through these years, having not persisted in my association with you even in spite of the painful things i have gone through at the hands of your friends, and the gossip i have unknowingly had to live down due to your ex-psycho's paranoia,
i deserve all these things, and also the privilege of not having you speak a word in my defense.
and not hearing a word, not one word, of friendship to hopefully carry me through a difficult moment.
i have never wanted yes-men (or women) for friends. they have always seemed to me a lie away from selling my soul to better theirs.
but was it too much to ask for a cushion for me to land on as you beat me down?
posted by peach at 5:56 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home