weather wandering thoughts
i know this one shouldn't be written, and i know this one is much too me. but the day's just right, with the heat and the cold making me sweat and making me shiver and making me think things i thought i'd never remember. and i sit and i write and the words may or may not come out right but this urge.
this urge.
to say what i feel and feel what i say in the way that i did not that long ago that time when i was thinking of you and that way of you speaking what you thought and how i felt .
like neruda and how he felt about his poetry and how it came in search of him, how heavens unfastened and opened, how he became part of the stars and the sky.
like a sunset i once watched, bursting colors then bleeding into black, so slow one minute the sun gone the next, high in the sky slowly sinking into welcome (i'll hide you tonight) waters.
like that night speeding through streets quiet and streets crowded, streets lit well and streets hiding dirty secrets, slowing down at reds then cheekily blasting past.
like the last bottle of (lying sonovabitch) alcohol, downed and left sitting lonely but not alone, in the company of others downed on a happy night spent.
and lately this drowning not quite breathing easy feeling i'm feeling scaring me shitless that that feeling, that feeling of no fear no pain no hesitation no saying no to adventure and adrenaline rush,
that feeling
it ain't never gonna come again.
and wouldn't it scare you too? to not feel helpless but a bit in control, something a person should be so lucky to feel at least once in a lucky life, something i've squandered not once or twice.
not once or twice.
and looking down a lonely road i wish (really really really with all of my oft broken heart) i wish that i had known what i was feeling then and i had held on to it a lot longer and way harder than i did.
but too late the epiphany and only too lingering the realization that hindsight is the bestest friend a girl could have in a world that teases and plays unfair.
dangerous these days of cold rain and warm sun.
this urge.
to say what i feel and feel what i say in the way that i did not that long ago that time when i was thinking of you and that way of you speaking what you thought and how i felt .
like neruda and how he felt about his poetry and how it came in search of him, how heavens unfastened and opened, how he became part of the stars and the sky.
like a sunset i once watched, bursting colors then bleeding into black, so slow one minute the sun gone the next, high in the sky slowly sinking into welcome (i'll hide you tonight) waters.
like that night speeding through streets quiet and streets crowded, streets lit well and streets hiding dirty secrets, slowing down at reds then cheekily blasting past.
like the last bottle of (lying sonovabitch) alcohol, downed and left sitting lonely but not alone, in the company of others downed on a happy night spent.
and lately this drowning not quite breathing easy feeling i'm feeling scaring me shitless that that feeling, that feeling of no fear no pain no hesitation no saying no to adventure and adrenaline rush,
that feeling
it ain't never gonna come again.
and wouldn't it scare you too? to not feel helpless but a bit in control, something a person should be so lucky to feel at least once in a lucky life, something i've squandered not once or twice.
not once or twice.
and looking down a lonely road i wish (really really really with all of my oft broken heart) i wish that i had known what i was feeling then and i had held on to it a lot longer and way harder than i did.
but too late the epiphany and only too lingering the realization that hindsight is the bestest friend a girl could have in a world that teases and plays unfair.
dangerous these days of cold rain and warm sun.
posted by peach at 3:09 AM
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