want nothing, get nothing.
cause i was happy with friendship. all i wanted was to be able to look you i the eye and not harbor evil, homicidal thoughts about you.
i wanted peace.
after the events of the past month, which happened after our first disastrous encounter, after those events which have cost me friends and strained me, drained me of everything but the energy to get up in the morning and attempt to smile at least, after all that and the upcoming months of stress-filled work,
i wanted peace.
you and your misguided, line crossing friendship, you and your words of revisiting pasts better not ever revisited, you and your "vulnerability". you and your more than friendship that i had tried very hard to let go of and move on from.
and three days later those words and emotions and whatever else disappeared, victim yet again to your almost freakish ficklemindedness. and i'm the one left hanging. i'm the one who has to not be overcome with sadness and humiliation and frustration yet again.
you better make this one work. you better make sure this one counts. cause that's the only way the end of this attempt at friendship with you will have meaning.
this sudden development better be one you make count.
because i'm not like our mutual friend. i can't forgive you like she does. i can't support you like she does. i can't continue to care for you and be your friend and listen to you like she does.
all i have left from these months, from them and from you, is the belief in my capacity to let go.
like you said before. go back to nothing. notwithstansding my angry words to whoever i unloaded on, they were words spoken in anger. i gave you my forgiveness and my friendship free from that anger. but you, your words and your actions, you betrayed not the idea of what the two of us had tried to be and what the two of us could have been. you betrayed that friendship. that choice.
you wanted nothing then.
you'll get nothing now.
i wanted peace.
after the events of the past month, which happened after our first disastrous encounter, after those events which have cost me friends and strained me, drained me of everything but the energy to get up in the morning and attempt to smile at least, after all that and the upcoming months of stress-filled work,
i wanted peace.
you and your misguided, line crossing friendship, you and your words of revisiting pasts better not ever revisited, you and your "vulnerability". you and your more than friendship that i had tried very hard to let go of and move on from.
and three days later those words and emotions and whatever else disappeared, victim yet again to your almost freakish ficklemindedness. and i'm the one left hanging. i'm the one who has to not be overcome with sadness and humiliation and frustration yet again.
you better make this one work. you better make sure this one counts. cause that's the only way the end of this attempt at friendship with you will have meaning.
this sudden development better be one you make count.
because i'm not like our mutual friend. i can't forgive you like she does. i can't support you like she does. i can't continue to care for you and be your friend and listen to you like she does.
all i have left from these months, from them and from you, is the belief in my capacity to let go.
like you said before. go back to nothing. notwithstansding my angry words to whoever i unloaded on, they were words spoken in anger. i gave you my forgiveness and my friendship free from that anger. but you, your words and your actions, you betrayed not the idea of what the two of us had tried to be and what the two of us could have been. you betrayed that friendship. that choice.
you wanted nothing then.
you'll get nothing now.
posted by peach at 3:15 AM
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