DEAR OPPRESSIVE FACEBOOK (and everything else sunshiny) BLOCKERS
Can I just say that the tyranny of the systems administrators of every workplace in the world must end?
We know that you wield all the power. You can spy on our emails, our every little computer or net related action, punish us for every dig we may make about computer geeks, etc.
But really. Blocking access to FACEBOOK? MULTIPLY? YOU-friggin-TUBE? Must you really make a career of being THE MAN’s weapon of doom and utter demoralization? And hellow, UP people, TMZ and PEREZ HILTON????? NOT PORN.
NOT PORN!!!!!! They are happy sites. Lovely gossip spreading sites. The pot(s) of gold at the end of the rainbow.
(and please don’t tell me you block YOUR access to the happy places. You can’t be THAT honorable. UNfair)
I know, I know, the concern is work productivity. Even I saw the article about how people who facebook get lower test scores. And I suppose all the online stalking really eats away at a poor white collar slave’s time. BUT STILL. CONSIDER:
1. The MAGICAL MYSTICAL QUALITY OF THE HUMAN RACE THAT IS PERSEVERANCE
Block this site, that site, whatever. And people will find a way to consume their time (which should, I know, be devoted to, ya know, stuff they get paid to do) doing other things, like looking for an unblocked happy fun place (site), flirting with co-workers in person, sneaking in a bottle or two of magic water (booze), texting their friends, using the copy room in ways not really conceived of by office space planning people. IN SHORT, wasting WAY MORE TIME looking for other things to occupy them.
And STILL NOT WORKING. Plus, even more resentful.
2. NETWORKING (and for YOU, SPYING) OPPORTUNITIES LOST
In a world, at a time and place, where who you know and what you know are rapidly taking second place to WHEN you know what you know, networking sites can often spell the difference between knowing what you need to know and being the ignorant little schmuck who’ll find out three days later. When it’s all OLD news.
Plus, the connections, man. The people you ordinarily can’t random email, you can stalk online.
And the photos of the hot people. Or people period. How else can they post with impunity? By the time they get home, facebook-less and networking-site-less, they won’t be in the mood to post their shit.
And THAT does NO ONE any good. AT ALL.
3. OH, THE UNFAIRNESS (AND TYRANNY) OF IT ALL!
We are at a moment in time where what we know and how we spread what we know may spell the difference between being oppressed and being free.
The networking sites are doing for people what texting did in 2001. (Never mind, of course, that the little woman has since then enjoyed the power a wee bit much.) It made people aware, and outraged. It made people move. A million people in EDSA. Singing Freddie Aguilar songs, for crying out loud. Changing history!!!!!!!!
Do you REALLY want to be the people blamed for the failure of the next people powered magic move? Because no one knows ANYTHING? Because some people only read news because there are links posted? And will therefore just drink rather than read?
REALLY?
Plus, did it ever occur to you, systems administrator, and YOU, THE MAN, that sucking what little happiness can be derived in the workplace can be not only totally unfair, but deleterious to productivity? Have you not read the books I have read on HR theory? Which say that HAPPY WORKERS ARE GREAT WORKERS?
I’m sure I read it somewhere. The alcohol has killed my memory cell things.
4. The OPTION TO BE THE GOD EVERYONE WORSHIPS
SERIOUSLY. It’s nice, really, to be able to say that you are the all powerful weapon of THE MAN. I’d think, though, that it’d be better for you guys to be all good with the harmless peons. They will, after all, get promoted or whatever. And thus, become THE MAN. Wouldn’t you want them to owe you?
I WOULD. Except I am a total tech idiot.
I’m sure that you’ll be offended by this (and thus far I have proven to be WAY adept at offending people), but please. Before taking steps toward fulfilling your desire for revenge, keep in mind that life has sucked everything out of me. From the much missed laptop, to the beer pot belly thing, to the dry hair thing, to the always poor thing, to the being virtually unemployable thanks to my NOT SO STELLAR GRADES thing, to EVERYTHING!!!!! And you should just derive pleasure from that.
You know we wantses the precious back. Would it hurt you, really, to give us the precious back?
Can’t we all just be friends?
Can’t we all just give peace a chance?
Don’t mind me. I have been drunk since April.
We know that you wield all the power. You can spy on our emails, our every little computer or net related action, punish us for every dig we may make about computer geeks, etc.
But really. Blocking access to FACEBOOK? MULTIPLY? YOU-friggin-TUBE? Must you really make a career of being THE MAN’s weapon of doom and utter demoralization? And hellow, UP people, TMZ and PEREZ HILTON????? NOT PORN.
NOT PORN!!!!!! They are happy sites. Lovely gossip spreading sites. The pot(s) of gold at the end of the rainbow.
(and please don’t tell me you block YOUR access to the happy places. You can’t be THAT honorable. UNfair)
I know, I know, the concern is work productivity. Even I saw the article about how people who facebook get lower test scores. And I suppose all the online stalking really eats away at a poor white collar slave’s time. BUT STILL. CONSIDER:
1. The MAGICAL MYSTICAL QUALITY OF THE HUMAN RACE THAT IS PERSEVERANCE
Block this site, that site, whatever. And people will find a way to consume their time (which should, I know, be devoted to, ya know, stuff they get paid to do) doing other things, like looking for an unblocked happy fun place (site), flirting with co-workers in person, sneaking in a bottle or two of magic water (booze), texting their friends, using the copy room in ways not really conceived of by office space planning people. IN SHORT, wasting WAY MORE TIME looking for other things to occupy them.
And STILL NOT WORKING. Plus, even more resentful.
2. NETWORKING (and for YOU, SPYING) OPPORTUNITIES LOST
In a world, at a time and place, where who you know and what you know are rapidly taking second place to WHEN you know what you know, networking sites can often spell the difference between knowing what you need to know and being the ignorant little schmuck who’ll find out three days later. When it’s all OLD news.
Plus, the connections, man. The people you ordinarily can’t random email, you can stalk online.
And the photos of the hot people. Or people period. How else can they post with impunity? By the time they get home, facebook-less and networking-site-less, they won’t be in the mood to post their shit.
And THAT does NO ONE any good. AT ALL.
3. OH, THE UNFAIRNESS (AND TYRANNY) OF IT ALL!
We are at a moment in time where what we know and how we spread what we know may spell the difference between being oppressed and being free.
The networking sites are doing for people what texting did in 2001. (Never mind, of course, that the little woman has since then enjoyed the power a wee bit much.) It made people aware, and outraged. It made people move. A million people in EDSA. Singing Freddie Aguilar songs, for crying out loud. Changing history!!!!!!!!
Do you REALLY want to be the people blamed for the failure of the next people powered magic move? Because no one knows ANYTHING? Because some people only read news because there are links posted? And will therefore just drink rather than read?
REALLY?
Plus, did it ever occur to you, systems administrator, and YOU, THE MAN, that sucking what little happiness can be derived in the workplace can be not only totally unfair, but deleterious to productivity? Have you not read the books I have read on HR theory? Which say that HAPPY WORKERS ARE GREAT WORKERS?
I’m sure I read it somewhere. The alcohol has killed my memory cell things.
4. The OPTION TO BE THE GOD EVERYONE WORSHIPS
SERIOUSLY. It’s nice, really, to be able to say that you are the all powerful weapon of THE MAN. I’d think, though, that it’d be better for you guys to be all good with the harmless peons. They will, after all, get promoted or whatever. And thus, become THE MAN. Wouldn’t you want them to owe you?
I WOULD. Except I am a total tech idiot.
I’m sure that you’ll be offended by this (and thus far I have proven to be WAY adept at offending people), but please. Before taking steps toward fulfilling your desire for revenge, keep in mind that life has sucked everything out of me. From the much missed laptop, to the beer pot belly thing, to the dry hair thing, to the always poor thing, to the being virtually unemployable thanks to my NOT SO STELLAR GRADES thing, to EVERYTHING!!!!! And you should just derive pleasure from that.
You know we wantses the precious back. Would it hurt you, really, to give us the precious back?
Can’t we all just be friends?
Can’t we all just give peace a chance?
Don’t mind me. I have been drunk since April.
posted by peach at 5:13 PM
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