about a boy (about boys)

i'm boy crazy.

i worship my baby nephew, i love my boy cousins, i adore my boy friends (friends who are boys), i'm still friends with my old boys (relationship boys) and i love getting to know new boys.

i like boys.

most times in PG ways, cause they're easy to be with, they have fewer hangups, and they're easy to read (when they're just your friends. boyfriends are another matter).

they can hang out with you and just take it easy or have fun with you on nights out about town. they comfort you when you're all sad and depressed. give you not-so-sage advice and brutal frankness and gentle words depending on your problem needs. they punch you in the arm in one-of-the-guys moments, and pretend to leer at you when you try to dress to impress, then tell you to change if they think that your clothes are too much for the place you're going to. they'll dance with you to protect you from the desperate overly-eager guys, they'll gently but firmly pry your drink from your close to drunk fingers.

they pick you up when you're stranded, they ditch their dates to stay with you, they visit you out of the blue and kidnap you and talk and stay quiet for hours on end. they hate your boyfriends old for making you cry even for a moment, for any -even imagined- offense they committed. they hate your boyfriends new for being the new guy in your life, for taking you away.

then there are the not-so-PG ways, the curl your toes (and if kuya aman and francis have their way, your fingers), leg popping, giddy, floating ways.

the mysterious guys have their place, them with their angst and their complaint rock and their moments of one-ness and solitude and their passion about things, about life, about you. the friendly approach also works, with the hanging out as a prelude to dating style, the easy conversation, the just-having-fun times. there's the chicker move, which makes your head spin as you try to figure out what his next move will be, and if that next move will be with you.

but, by far, and i have known many disasters, for me, the perfect guys are a mix of different styles. quiet and rowdy all at the right moments, comforting and exciting, simple and complicated, aggressive with a touch of torpe, or torpe with slight moments of aggressive. guys who take it easy and in the process help you take it easy.

they don't have to be too gwapo (but nice bonus, but too gwapo is also too pretty for me, so no go) or too tall (though, again, it's nice to be able to wear heels) or too smart (they think they know everything) or too rich (again, however, as in the previous post, AT LEAST OFFER to pay). clean and presentable (read: no major disfigurements, fresh clothes as much as possible, nice shoes) will more than do, and a witty remark here and there to show signs of brain activity is much appreciated.

also, they have to smell nice. i'm sorry. but they do.

you like being with them during long drives to obscure places and short drives you wish were long drives, you like being able to eat a lot and have them like it, you like how they don't care that you aren't tall and thin and fashionable and all, you like how they like you for being simple and yes, happy.

and maybe every now and then even the perfect guys don't work out due to disruptions in the cosmic thing, but you know, you KNOW, that those moments with those perfect guys are the moments you'd like to have again.

stepford wives, here i come

feminists out there will kill me, but here goes...

i like being taken care of. i enjoy the feeling of waking up in the morning knowing there's someone out there waiting to oppress you or be oppressed by you, who'll laugh with you and at you, who'll leave you alone when your bipolar-ity rears its ugly head and you hate everybody, who'll suffocate you with sweetness when you love the whole world.

i like having long conversations about important things and dumb things, things that are funny and serious and sad.

i like being made breakfast, or lunch, or dinner. candlelight is a cliche i can do away with, but the warm body and nice-not stilted, not formal- conversation, those are musts.

i like guys who can loosen up and look clean-grungy semi-preppy all-out-formal and still be cute. and funny.

cute and funny...i like that. more than the bad guy, all angst, reform-me-no-don't, myterious cause i don't talk thing that most guys try to pull off. cute and funny will take you through irritatingly hot afternoons and long evenings with nothing to do.

gentlemanly, not too crass. i'm not the i like them soft kind of guy, i like guys who are guys. but a little decency isn't too much to ask.

carry books, open doors, pull out chairs, try to dance, at least offer to pay.

who says that that's dead?

why should it die?

conversations, and ditziness as a side-dish.

was having a nice long overdue long chat with carolina marie my erstwhile lesbian lover (heehee to family members who might be whacked out enough to believe this it's not true) yesterday, continued today, and to be continued on monday.

we talked about abandonment, also known as "blockmate who abandons you and your study sessions for love of her life"and how since she has abandoned me i have been drowning my sorrows in alcohol and food. okay hello in anticipation of her violent reaction, i concede the fact that i was drowning myself in alcohol and food way before that.

we talked about guys in our lives, the guy in her life right now, the guy who was a temporary blip in my un-religious radar, and certain people i may or may not be interested in right now. while this is the 21st century and all, there are still lines i don't cross. like being the first one to make intentions known. so however much i like the guy, i can only smile so much hahaha.

we talked about enemies, known and unknown, in-your-face or the wussy variety, guys who pretend it's manly to pick on people not their own size, people who talk about you like they know you well enough to criticize you, and how it would be so much fun to just, i don't know, KILL them.

we talked about friends, and how sometimes you'd like them to be more than that, but there are things that just aren't meant to go your way. but heehee...still...fun.

we talked about law school, and how really the things that worry us the most about it aren't the profs and the grades though if the profs don't like us and our grades suck our respective law school graduate dads will give us something to worry about. we worry about happiness!!!! and our eternal quest for it.

then somehow someway before we parted, conversation found its way back to friends and guys and how certain people of that group think of us as ditzes.

while i had not less than a few moments' thought about the implications of that kind of perception of me, my erstwhile LL (carolina marie) gave it no thought other than to say "so what?!?!"


which i now repeat.

so what????

ditziness is happiness. if i'm a little too happy for your taste, sorry nalang. i like law school, i like most of the professors, i like most of the people, i adore my block, i love the drinking with the law school people part, and the only thing that's cause for concern is the lack of good food.

and sounding like a ditz comes part and parcel with the acting ditzy part. as someone (who should, now that civ pro is a distant memory, and a distant future worry, start drinking with us) said, it's not such a bad thing.

i'd rather smile all day and read what i need to read and laugh when i feel like it and drink with happy company and read inane books and dance to happy music and yes, eat and as a necessary consequence, get fat.

i really suck at the intellectual schtick, and pretense gives me zits.

on crassness

i am the totally confused product of a semipuritanical (read:strict dad) upbringing and a liberal education, which means that while i have acquired a certain amount of cynicism about things (hello, birds and bees and flowers and trees), and a more liberated(accepting) view about things, i have retained a bit of old-fashioned conservative opinions about how people act and what people say.

like, for example, while it is all well and good to have a great command of the spoken word, and the courage to use that command to speak your mind, you are not given unbridled license to offend people and be hurtful and malicious and, in a word, crass.

there are certain people who seem to enjoy shocking the hell out of people, saying things guaranteed to offend and annoy and irritate.

they talk about sex and the people they've had sex with and the people they'd like to have sex with and they talk about it in the most disgusting of manners, using words that arguably could have been done away with in favor of more refined terms.

while the term "magpakatotoo ka sister" is not lost on me, and certainly i have respect and even admiration for those who speak their minds, i still feel that talking like a guttersnipe when you have had the best education available and enough intelligence and a good vocabulary is not deserving of either respect or admiration. also, talking like a guttersnipe (ooh nice word) just to get a rise out of people, just for the shock factor, is evidence of a lack of consideration for other people and the effort they exert to be decent human beings.

and there are people who can't seem to win an argument without aiming below the belt, who skip the sarcasm and head straight for malice. they bring up hurtful things and even topics way beyond the scope of the issue just to provoke reactions and win debates and even get in on conversations with other people.

which is just plain offensive. i for one am admittedly a malicious being. i can trade insults easily, and most of the time i know how to hurt people i'm arguing with (hello, i have five mouthy sisters and a lwayer for a father) . except, i KNOW what i'm capable of, and i refuse to engage in a bitchfest just to prove a point.

case in point: one day i was hanging out with a couple of guys and teasing one of them about having a crush on my youngest sister. and while we were kidding around about it someone (whose name will be left unsaid) butted into the conversation and, in a word, INSULTED my other sister by saying that she had no friends or something like that. it had no other discernible purpose but to be offensive. and while i wanted nothing more than to shove my fist into his face i held my temper.

and they call ME a bitch?

on what should have been the first day back

from school...well...no class today.

i thank the high heavens (or the professors for today who apparently are heeding the siren call of extended vacation) for the extra day of rest, of peace, of quiet (me?quiet?uh..), of gilmore girls marathon watching, because of the following reasons, which are not the only reasons actually but the only ones i can think of right this very minute...

i know nothing! absolutely nothing! about anything! that i need to know in order to be called a competent law student. and had class been held today and had i been called i would've been royally monumentally phenomenally spectacularly screwed...

and the magical snooze button on my phone lulled me into a false sense of security and i slept half the day away when really i was planning to get up early (really really!!!!alarm set for 9 am and everything) and get started on my studying plans...

and my dad wouldn't have believed me if i'd said that there was class today and thus wouldn't have given me an allowance and thus i would've starved to death as i am, thanks to christmas and my guilt-ridden-if-i-hadn't-given-gifts-conscience and the sheer number of people in my family alone that were on the gift list, a pauper...

and now i get to just hang out and think of nothing cause it turns out i turned in my required digests to the tyrannical consti digest team despot dictator also known as joe (peace joe mwah!) and thus am free from block responsibility for tomorrow...

and now...if only kuya aman would just get back from his errands so us starving souls also known as ate maha kuya francis and i (me?) could go get food and what could, quite possibly, be my first drink (legit drink) since the start of christmas vacation.

ps...heehee...my new year's wish is....heehee...

HAPPY HAPPY!!!!

Happy New Year to everyone!!!!


anyways...

the time since i last posted has been spent in relative sobriety...i haven't had a drink of alcohol since the 16th...well to be honest i had two glasses of bubbly to ring in the new year, but really...that doesn't count...heehee....

well...

all vacation long my friends (and everyone else it seems) have been schlepping off to parts unknown (to me)...province with their family, beach with their friends, province near beach with friends or family...

and i've been here. at home. with my family.

and while i envy them for the travelling they got in, and the new places and the cute guys and the alcohol (whew the alcohol..i think this one i envy them for the most), i have to say that this kind of vacation except for the no-alcohol part has been fun for me...

sleeping late sleeping in watching videos eating eating eating....sigh...the life i don't have when school is in session....hanging out with the papa and the sisters, onversaions about everything and nothing and something and some things... and for once in what seems like a long time...we got the christmas shopping done early...well...

fun!!!!!

because sand between my toes isn't my ultimate christmas thing...and i'm a creature of habit...and laziness...i think sloth is what my aunt called it...and the past few weeks have been devoid of any intellectual activity...which is therapeutic!!!!lots and lots!!!!

cause i have had to use my poor poor brain a lot more in the past six months than i ever did all throughout college...and the strain is showing...and a breakdown is not what i need come midterms and finals and everythig else.

and the food...sigh...i could wax poetic all day. the food has been nothing short of heavenly...

except i think the extra ton i gained over the holidays ain't gonna disappear just cause i fervently pray for it to...sigh.

oh well...if the sad news is true, i have school tomorrow...well...see you guys!!!