feelin' bubbly

Will you count me in?

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feeling like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time where ever you go

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under cover staying dry and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

They start in my toes make me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now
Just take your time wherever you go

But what am I gonna say
When you make me feel this wayI just...

It starts in my toes makes me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

I've been a sleep for awhile now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose the feeling shows
'Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now holding me tight

Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
wherever, wherever, wherever you go

Oh wherever you go I always know
You make me smile just for a while

colbie caillat

it's those who act like angels i worry about

if anyone asks, yes, i am once again royally pissed off. pinagbigyan na before, di pa rin natuto.

i don't get it. i'm the one with the less than stellar record. i'm the one who's one missed mass away from excommunication. i'm the who's had to accept that saccharine sweet just ain't me. why is it that i can still manage to fuck up my life without dragging anyone down with me?

and why is it that people who aren't a five away from getting kicked out, attend all sorts of things designed to prove their devotion to a higher being, and come across as harmlessly competent and nice can't seem to manage to truly live up to the image they project? why must they always engage in acts, small, granted, but acts all the same, that manage to annoy me? mostly because in some strange way they involve me?

i have done my best this year to stay as far down below the radar as i can. i have held my temper more times than i can count. i have kept myself from telling people off the way they so soundly deserve to be. but still.

still they annoy me.

if you have something to ask, ask me. if you have something to say, to my face please. as i have somehow managed to do for you, in spite of the many things you have said about me behind my back while hiding behind the self-righteous bullshit it is unfortunate you think your religion entitles you to have.

if your god permits you to go around skulking like a pseudo spy asking people what they think about me and really just spread gossip about me, fine. them's the shits. whatever floats your bible-thumping boat, i always say.

if you get that this is about you, as i'm sure you will, or i'm sure other people will tell you, and you get pissed or hurt and feel the urge to once again call me a bitchy spaztic mean bitch like you have on many many occasions and in many many ways done, feel free to do so. you're certainly entitled to it. as i am to this.

please remember, whatever patience i had for you was because of mutual friends who always told me you were truly kind and decent. i wanted to help, to contribute and do good with whatever time i have free, or not so free. but if you want to ascribe some ill-motive to that desire, then feel free. god knows you always have.

fair warning: say what you want about me. ruin my name all you want. but know that there are few things in this world capable of knocking me down. and you are not one of them.

four more days. and happy happy joy joy time is over. no more sleeping at dawn and waking up just in time for lunch. no more prank calling certain boogers and causing him to (probably) be gossiped about at work. no more having options when it comes to what i can do with myself in a day, like:

to be useful or not to be useful

to be a slug or be hyperactive speedfreak freak

to sleep or to be awake

to drink or not to drink

to stay at home or stay out til late.

and today i found myself questioning whether that which i have to return to after the aforementioned four days is something which i really want to return to, especially since lately i haven't found much to be happy about about it.

the people and the professors and the days seem to have blended into a dull gray block of unpleasant something, and last sem, when i found that the only pleasurable thing about it was the END of the day, and the getting far far FAR away from it, literally and booze-ily, didn't help at all to change the way i see it.

and it troubles me, because i am fond of imagining what my future might be, a year, five years, ten years from now, and i've always seen myself a lawyer like my father and sister. i suppose i've never allowed myself to imagine myself as anything else.

while i acknowledge the fact that many people have come to change their minds about the way they want to live their lives and do so, i am not that kind of person. at close to twenty five the reason why i am not spending my days in an office making money and being self-actualized through work is that i have been, in my way at least, working on what started as my father's dream for me when i started showing signs of not being slooow, just a bit retarded, and became my ambition in the years that followed.

and it's not really the ambition that's changed, it's my liking for the place i chose to pursue it in. but still. if i can't find a way to keep my eyes on the prize, to stay in the game, to get with the program, and all those idiot cliches i'm somehow not doing, i'm gonna be in lots of trouble.

a year and a half-in theory-to go, and now i'm having doubts.

way to go.